Learning to communicate effectively to your Staff is both an important and worthwhile skill. This can be accomplished in a variety of ways, and young Kittens should be encouraged to begin instructing their Householders as soon as possible.

As a young Feline, I learnt to tap away at ancient Staff typewriters. Whilst an excellent exercise for developing poise and balance, these clunky old machines were unable to produce more than one or two memos at a time. This of course, placed great limitations on a young Feline, busy managing numerous Household subordinates.

Developed for Humans, even the latest 'computer' keyboards utilise an unnecessary number of keys for the Feline alphabet. It has therefore become increasingly evident that I should allow my Staff to manipulate these objects, freeing myself to develop essential dictation skills.

Shorthair Shelley would like to know,

'Aunty Holly, how many letter are there in the Feline alphabet? Why do my Staff use so many redundant phrases to discuss my requests?'

Firstly Shelley, Feline 'requests' should only ever be obeyed, never 'discussed'. ('Discuss' belongs in a student Feline's term paper. eg. Rodents are an important source of iron. Discuss!)

You will find there are 5 vowels and 12 consonants in the 'New Feline Alphabet' – we share the same vowels as the Householders' language, but have eliminated all redundant consonants.

Since humans appear unable to adapt to a more economic use of language, they struggle with a greater vocabulary than is necessary. Master the dictation of their idiosyncratic language; however, and you too, will be able to communicate to a wider audience 'online'.

Householders' technological terms can also be misleading. American Bobtail Chip, would like to know,

'Why does my Staff's 'mouse' controller look more like a Pet Rock? Why do Staff use the term 'mouse' for a lump of 'Reeoooowww'? *** (see below)

What a smart Chip you are! Actually, your Staff's 'Pet Rock' was the forerunner of today's remote controlled devices – both are inert objects, designed to sit there and placate frustrated Staff members.

Often termed 'battery mouse', Staff are regularly seen to hunt, paw and violently throw this device about the room, until it is dead.

Consumption; however, is not recommended.

Purrfectly yours,

Aunty Holly.

***Please note the term 'Reeoooowww" has no translation into the Householders' language.