Memo: It has come to my attention that many Staff have incorrectly named computer files, terms and applications!

In order to correct current confusion, the following items should be attended to immediately;

1. Delete 'Pause' – Insert 'Paws'.

2. Delete 'Trash/Garbage/Recycle' – Insert 'Litter Tray'

3. Delete 'Browser' – Insert 'Prowler'.

4. Delete 'Flamer' – Insert 'Feral'

5. Delete all 'personal' items – Insert 'Puurrsonal'

   e.g. 'Puurrsonalising your computer'.

6. Delete 'Search' – Insert 'Hunt'

   In addition please note:

7. 'Electronic Rodents' (computer mice) are not a food source – please refrain Staff from trying to kill them accordingly - by tossing into the air, against walls etc – this will not make them more edible!

8. Cat.exe executes a file not a Feline – please find more appropriate term – Staff.exe will do.

9. The term C.A.T. – refers to a Computer Aided Transcription – much slower and messier than the real thing.

   Finally -

10. Staff 'calling' when 'online' does not necessarily mean they are looking for a hot date – as this would surely be an unlikely outcome for those glued to their hard drives!

Thank you for your puurrsistence.

Mongrel Monitor is worried,

'I have come to live with Staff who spend a lot of time staring at computer screens. However, it is becoming increasingly difficult to gain their attention from these Electronic Monsters. Aunty Holly, how can I relieve them from this terrible addiction?'

Unfortunately Monitor, this sounds like the serious, but not uncommon affliction, from which my own Staff have been known to suffer. I suggest that you initially distract them by collapsing across all objects found connected to the Computer Beast (keyboard/mouse/flat screens) at your earliest possible convenience. If this is not working – try consulting local rodents who are often expert in the consumption of wire technologies. Either that, or increase your Staff numbers by finding them a girl/boy friend!

Devon Rex Robo would like to know,

'My Staff have arranged to have me 'microchipped' by our local Vet. Stray Cat Scratch says Staff are turning me into a Cyborg. What is he referring to and will this technology give me added powers to understand those around me better?'

Oh Dear Robo – Stay away from that dreadful Scratch! Microchipping is an excellent way for those not fluent in Feline dialects to find out your essential details – in times of your greatest need.

Unfortunately however, it will not provide you with any Super-Feline powers. Furthermore, only your Staff can make themselves communicate with you more effectively. The chip will help you find Staff if they decide to run away – but having found them, they won't make any more sense than they did before – Good luck!

Puurrfectly yours,

Aunty Holly