Whilst recently listening to the efforts of Koshick, an Asian Elephant who has begun to speak Korean to his keepers, I reflected on the importance of Feline demands. Try these easy to follow steps to help You communicate with Staff;

Each morning I greet each Householder with a short greeting. ‘Meow, meoow mew ’ will do. This indicates that you have acknowledged their presence and wish to be let outside at their earliest convenience, or the next sixty seconds, whichever is soonest.

In the unfortunate event that they have neglected Household duties or been slow to assist, it is acceptable to interchange this greeting with "Ra raa Ra, Ra raa Ra”.

Before You leave, make sure that Your culinary needs have been met. However much You are tempted, try not to scratch Your Staff before breakfast.

Humans who drop by often try to communicated by squealing ‘hellooo hellooo’ and should be welcomed with a “ meolow, mowlow ” .

If you know the names of Visitors, you may welcome them individually to the Feline Abode. Human names are often unnecessarily complicated, but its always fun to have a go.

Drop in and out of the doorway throughout the day, making polite conversation, such as “meorch, meorch” Comment on the weather provided and appropriate selections of wildlife on offer.

In addition, try using a few Householder terms,

(Me)yes..    ”yes”

(Me)no..    ”no”

(Me)be..    ”Ill take your silly thought into consideration”

(Me)awww…    ”I really don’t want to”

(Me)rar ra ra….    ”I don’t give a flying rats what you think, you b..”

Just make sure that each communiqué to Staff begins with the embellishment essential in every Feline/Staff dialect…..Me!

Wildcat Wilma asks,

‘Aunty Holly, I live amongst a menagerie of strange and unusual Beasts. They gorge themselves on Their take away troughs and swill liquor from flagons. How can I communicate with these animals? Is it possible they could be at all Human? ‘

Some Householders like Yours, Wilma, should stay in the prehistoric era, where they belong. ‘Take Away’ that most primitive of food groups, was discovered by early Householders when roasting Purrfectly good raw meat over the open coals, whilst yelling
‘ would you like fire with that?’

Let’s face it - Their food will evolve faster than they will. Send these Beasts back to their cave and purrsue Your Household  without Them!

Purrfectly yours,

Aunty Holly

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