Aunty Holly assesses her exercise regime equipment provided by Staff, finding it somewhat lacking.  

^{Portly: Adjective. Round. As applying to Feline, to be sufficiently (over)fed as to be rotund. Large. Not without girth.}

^{Mindful of recent comments of my growing stature, Staff have regrettably decided to supplement my diet with low fat dry food, and encouraged Me to lose a few extra pounds off My purrfect thighs.}

^{Despite explaining at some length that My ever so slightly rotund figure was largely due to an abundant display of winter fur, My Staff have purrsistently argued that an exercise schedule is in order.}

^{How purrfectly horrid! Chasing small coloured objects is meant to be a game, not a regime of torture! I refused to engage in such regimented behaviour. But wait there's more! Balls of wool, lengths of lace, bundles of cottons, all thrown across the room. What a mess! Then, to top it all off, I had large round rope objects thrown across the room at Me as well.}

^{In all of My nine lives, I cannot comprehend why any self respecting Feline would chase a 'quoit' thrown across the room as if it were cast out for collection by a Canine. Have Staff heard Me howling at the moon lately? Do I appear barking mad? No! I will have none of it!}

^{I have only one sport, that ancient and noble purrsuit, hunting. I will happily purrsue small lizards, juicy objectionable bird life and small, succulent Vermin. If, in the purrsuit of such, I offend the sensibilities of sensitive Householders, so be it.}

^{They are, of course, encouraged to join Me on My upcoming Feral Rat challenge, but until then, I will suggest They keep fit chasing their own health routines and leave the more discerning Felines amongst us, to admire My commanding figure.}

^{Purrfectly yours,}

^{Aunty Holly}

^{Carnival of the Cats #131 is creating havoc this week at the House of Chaos!}

cat blogging cat

Whilst recently listening to the efforts of Koshick, an Asian Elephant who has begun to speak Korean to his keepers, I reflected on the importance of Feline demands. Try these easy to follow steps to help You communicate with Staff;

Each morning I greet each Householder with a short greeting. ‘Meow, meoow mew ’ will do. This indicates that you have acknowledged their presence and wish to be let outside at their earliest convenience, or the next sixty seconds, whichever is soonest.

In the unfortunate event that they have neglected Household duties or been slow to assist, it is acceptable to interchange this greeting with "Ra raa Ra, Ra raa Ra”.

Before You leave, make sure that Your culinary needs have been met. However much You are tempted, try not to scratch Your Staff before breakfast.

Humans who drop by often try to communicated by squealing ‘hellooo hellooo’ and should be welcomed with a “ meolow, mowlow ” .

If you know the names of Visitors, you may welcome them individually to the Feline Abode. Human names are often unnecessarily complicated, but its always fun to have a go.

Drop in and out of the doorway throughout the day, making polite conversation, such as “meorch, meorch” Comment on the weather provided and appropriate selections of wildlife on offer.

In addition, try using a few Householder terms,

(Me)yes..    ”yes”

(Me)no..    ”no”

(Me)be..    ”Ill take your silly thought into consideration”

(Me)awww…    ”I really don’t want to”

(Me)rar ra ra….    ”I don’t give a flying rats what you think, you b..”

Just make sure that each communiqué to Staff begins with the embellishment essential in every Feline/Staff dialect…..Me!

Wildcat Wilma asks,

‘Aunty Holly, I live amongst a menagerie of strange and unusual Beasts. They gorge themselves on Their take away troughs and swill liquor from flagons. How can I communicate with these animals? Is it possible they could be at all Human? ‘

Some Householders like Yours, Wilma, should stay in the prehistoric era, where they belong. ‘Take Away’ that most primitive of food groups, was discovered by early Householders when roasting Purrfectly good raw meat over the open coals, whilst yelling
‘ would you like fire with that?’

Let’s face it - Their food will evolve faster than they will. Send these Beasts back to their cave and purrsue Your Household  without Them!

Purrfectly yours,

Aunty Holly

 All Aboard the Friday Ark at The Modulator!

Carnival of the Cats  at Justin's Random Thoughts

cat blogging cat

Being a naturally generous Feline, I love to share many things. My thoughts for example, are always liberally dispersed amongst a large number of willing and grateful Staff. I cannot; however, understand, nor am I willing to condone the behaviour of several Bird brained Staff members in the past few days.

Picture This. A lazy spring afternoon in the garden, Staff pottering obediently about, a soft breeze blows gently through the gum trees, and the fragrant smell of freshly blooming jonquils wafting over My lawn. Charming isn't it?

Well how quickly things can change! Late Thursday, whilst enjoying one such tranquil scene, a young male Kookaburra suddenly swooped onto a low lying pine branch, followed by a flotilla of Australian Minor Birds, literally picking on his head. Whilst feeling a slight degree of empathy for this young Bird, I began to watch with intense interest.

Would those rotten Minors get their come-uppance? Would the teenage Bird brain fight back? Would I be able to stalk behind the ruckus without them knowing and enjoy a feathered appetiser?

It was then that something truly bizarre occurred. My Staff briefly disappeared, only to return with My raw meat tray. Could you imagine? What were they thinking?

My high quality cuisine offered to a bunch of quarrelling Bird brains! Whilst Staff THREW (can you imagine?) My meat towards the young Kooka, the Minors quickly scattered – no doubt recognising their position in the food chain was looking a lot closer to My airborne delicacy than they had previously considered.

cat blogging cat

It's so embarrassing when unruly Felines make a public Catastrophe of themselves! Take this weeks unfortunate incident with Grumpy – a hot headed Feline with a taste for havoc.

What poor Grumpy failed to understand, is that the creation of (purrhaps understandable) mayhem is one thing, but no self respecting Feline should ever be caught red handed, protesting like a common Alley Cat on heat! Whilst We would all like to use some of our most understanding fellow Creatures as a 'scratching post' from time to time, this does not mean that it is the best course of action. Furthermore, one should Never be condemned for our natural instincts to do so, especially by a photograph of such moments.

Stirring momentarily, Sleepy British Shorthair would like to know,

“Aunty Holly, My Staff insist on photographing me whilst I am half awake, and not looking My best. How should I dissuade snapping Staffers without incurring their wrath?”

cat blogging cat